Keep On Keeping On

Week three of my enforced quarantine.

I have spent the last 6 years going out taking photographs at least once if not twice a week. Everywhere I go, my camera bag is in the car or on my back. It feels alien to not be going out, to not be able to go out but I understand the situation I’m in. This time has allowed me to revisit images both recent and some from my archive of photographs. I’ve edited them with darker, more dramatic effects. I’ve gone for softer dreamlike styles. Because the limit of my world at the moment is the garden and that has been only achieved today; I recognise my creative limitations.

I go through a whole gamut of emotions each day. Mostly, these moments are fleeting and I quickly talk myself out of feelings of despair, regret, a sense of foolishness for getting injured in the first place. We all get injured at some point in our lives but it’s how we adapt that helps us keep going. I feel a wave of disillusion coming over me and straight away, I tell myself this is temporary, this won’t be forever. I feel frustration and take a moment to stop and think, I can overcome these obstacles. I am grateful for the little victories I achieve, thanks to the help of my partner and my family. I can’t allow myself to feel self pity because that helps no one especially me.

As a photographer, I look for new opportunities, new angles, how to work within the confines of my current state. How can I create when I can’t just walk out the door and go and taking photos. I hope to do some still life studies, some domestic photos that document my lived experience. Making the most of what is around me should be the best I can do.

My forthcoming exhibition with fellow photographer Will Lake has been postponed until such time that I can hang my prints on the walls of our exhibition space and spend the weekend in that space. It was hugely disappointing to reach the decision to postpone but it’s the right one. I need to concentrate on recovering and regaining my mobility.

Now is not the time for giving up, resigning my career as a photographer. I have spent the whole of my adult life doing jobs, gaining qualifications that didn’t really sit easily with me. I was good at them (or so I’m told) but they didn’t light a fire in me. Picking up a camera and capturing moments in time does that. It is what I am not just what I do. Why would I turn my back on the thing that partially defines me? I have much to learn, many techniques, creative ideas to discover.

Using my Nikon cameras is a joy. Both my D700 and D750, bring the joy out in my work. Yes, they are just tools but they make me want to take photos, to explore what is possible. I still have my Panasonic S5II which I use for photo shoots but I will introduce the Nikons to that part of my job. I have jobs lined up with very patient clients for autumn and winter. My artist studio shoots are great fun and I love working with other creatives, capturing them doing what they love doing.

I believe in what is yet to come. I love my work and want to carry on for many years to come. It’s taken me 40 years to find the creative purpose and I’m not about to leave it be. Watch this space because there’s more to come!